Edge of the Abyss

The Kings of War Global Campaign

The battle of the serpent's eyes

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Abyssal Dwarfs
Darth Toiletroll
VS Kingdoms of Men

This Battle was against Kev Honeysett's Brotherhood again. Kev Had changed his list slightly from last time. He now had two winged heroes (one on foot with the wings of the honeymaze and one on some flappy beast). He also possessed to ensnaring breath weapon beasties, a horde of spearmen, a horde of martyrs a troop of martyrs, a regiment of flappy knight, a regiment of inspiring regenerating bitch knights with the brew of strength, a regiment of hunting knights with pathfinder, the two obligatory standards one with the griffon banner (I hate this item unless I’m the one using it) and one on a horse with the lute.
Kev took first turn and moved up baiting his two forsaken beasts for two regiments of throwing mastiffs, but keeping them out of range of the other shooting in my force. He repositioned with everything else, out on his right flank his horde of spearmen moved up so that my slave orcs had to enter the wood to see him but he would be in charging distance if I did. I retaliated by moving the orcs in to said position, moving into range with the throwing mastiffs and moving my golems up. I then badly wounding one of the beasts with throwing puppies, whilst only damaging the other. Meanwhile one of the hordes of golems were 11 inches away from king flappy beast. 18 surge dice later, 16 succeeded. They did 9 damage to him, but rolled crap on the rout roll (this will be a recurring theme).
Turn two Kev charge all my immortal guard units, one with forsaken cav, one with the bitch knights and one with the fine beasts. This resulted in the bitch knights eating one regiment, whilst the other two held firm. Meanwhile the spearmen charged and wavered one regiment of slave orcs. The horde of golems were charged by the troop of martyrs and flanked charged by the beast, for not a lot of damage. Last of all the foot warrior charged the greater golem hoping to use the vicious to advantage (didn’t really work). I countered by charging Baz into the troop of martyrs, the golems counter charged the beast, one regiment of immortal guard charged the bitch knights in the flank, whilst the other counter charged the flying knights. The other slave orcs charged the spearmen. Shooting brought the unengaged beast up to 9 wounds and wavered it. The greater golem counter charged the flying foot warrior. Nothing went my way in rout tests.
Turn three Kev counter charged the slave orcs and destroyed them, he counter charged with the flying knights and did absolutely no damage, the bitch knights fluffed against the dragon fire team and fluffed only doing four wounds due to being hindered. The hunting knights completely smashed the immortal guard that had presented their flank to them after the beast moved out of the way. My slave orcs returned into the fray against the spearmen (not that they needed to have bothered). The immortal guard recharged the flying knights. The greater golem charged the flying foot knight, got him up to 14 wounds, you guessed it, snake eyes. The Baz charged into the flank of the beast that was in the woods, got him up to 15 wounds, snake eyes again (twice in one game is bad enough, twice in one turn is taking the piss). The horde of golems charged the other beast and actually killed it. Shooting had been against the bitch knights that had healed 2 wounds every turn (pricks).
Turn four, the spearmen finally killed the other slave orcs and would sit there for the rest of the game claiming some victory points (being as slow as my army is, I’m sure as shit not going to move them). The flappy knights finally killed the remaining immortal guard turning inwards to threaten. The beast charged the greater golem, the bitch knights turned inwards, the hunt knights charged one of the dragon fire teams, crapped on it over ran into the iron caster and only did seven wounds whilst he heroically told them to “get back you bastards!” the martyrs charged the horde of golems (they shouldn’t have bothered). Flying foot knight charged Baz I responded by shooting the flappy knights and wavering them. The greater golem charged the beast finally killing it. Baz charged the hunt knights and fucked them senseless with his stone cock. The horde of golems charged the martyrs doing 11 wounds, but it wasn’t enough.
Turn five Kev charged his beast hero into the remaining dragon fire team, proceeding to eat it like a pretzel. The martyrs counter charged doing not much, the bitch knights charged Baz got him up to 8 wounds but not enough. Baz responded by charging the flappy knights wavering them. The greater golem charged the bitch knights for a few points of damage, the horde of golems charged the martyrs again got them up to 20 wounds, frigging snake eyes again (for fucks sake).
Turn six Kev went in with the winged beast went into the special iron caster, he laughed in his face. The bitch knights went into the greater golem, he gave them the finger, the bane chanted martyrs went into the horde and turned them into dragon glass arrow heads (Nooooo!). To make matters worse Kev postioned them showing a flank to my other horde but making it so that I couldn’t over run into his side of the battlefield (complete git). I couldn’t win on victory points but I could getthe consolation of crushing Kev in kill points, so the horde went into the martyrs, getting them up to 33 wounds and finally killing them they over ran a mighty 2 inches (need a turn seven). Baz went back into the flappy knights got them up to 12 wounds, would you believe it fucking snake eyes again. 4 times in one battle the odds of that are 1/1679616 (at this point I launched my two dice across the gaming hall, thankfully this was in jest. Retrieving them and seeing if they were damaged from hitting the wall). At least I rolled a 4 plus for turn seven.
Turn seven Kev did nothing to me. I wavered his flappy beast with the iron casters, the greater golem and Baz killed the bitch knights and the golems couldn’t even get fully into his half. Great fun game never the less. Kev deserved to win, he said I did. Don’t agree his repositioning with his martyrs was a stroke of tactical brilliance. Well played Kevlar, well played.

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Kingdoms of Men